The subject of kids came up.
“You don’t want any?” she had asked.
“Likely not,” I had responded insensitively. Motherhood had never been a priority nor a life requirement for me. The biological desire comes in waves. But, the desire fades quickly when I remind myself of all the adventures I have yet to go on and the unconventional lifestyle I’d like to lead.
Plus, I’m unsure a baby would be the most responsible thing to bring into this world knowing my lack of steady income and my lack of faith in our crumbling tech-driven and nonsense violent and hateful world we live in. I wouldn’t want my kids growing up in a digital world, obsessed with their tablet at age 2, barely lifting their heads to interact or have a sense of interest for the physical existing world around them. Escaping the digital world seems like an impossible concept in this day and age.
Would motherhood be a beautiful thing to experience ? I have no doubt in my heart it would be. Will I experience it one day ? Only time will tell.
She looked away, saddened.
She had said simply, “Kids won’t be for me, unfortunately”.
And in that moment, I let her comment ring with me for a bit but I was too oblivious and distracted to have her elaborate on her response.
This was four years ago. We were colleagues. A new world was beginning for both of us as we were both newly employed airline employees.
She passed from cancer yesterday – a battle she’d been fighting silently for awhile. Little of us knew about it.
I remembered our conversation yesterday and begun to cry.
She knew of her destiny and she was bravely accepting it this entire time. I had no idea.
I didn’t know her outside of work but her passing touched me deeply.
It made me unbelievably sad to know that something I may not want is something that someone might have wanted were they given more time.
Life is precious. Count your blessings while you can, live fully and go after your dreams. Life goes too quickly. And some of us go too soon.
Rest in Peace.