I hope that one day you will see how beautiful this life is

“I hope that one day you will see that this life is beautiful. And that instead of questioning every little thing, to just let  things be how they are.  I tried saving my dad – he will take his gloom to the grave. I tried *saving* my ex-boyfriends – they thought they weren’t deserving of my love, because they were incapable of loving themselves. I want people to see how great living is and how LUCKY we are.   
It’s more difficult lately because I’m the one in the dark and the only person who can lighten me up is MYSELF, no one else. I need to learn to let go to stop from being dragged. 

**a few parts were edited**

I was inspired by this msg I sent to a friend because it’s a msg addressed to him that became a msg for me also. It has double meaning, even triple. Nothing is directed at only one person, which was not my original intention. This is the perfect example of a situation where we feed ourselves our own advice without our knowledge of it at first.  This is the perfect reminder to love unconditionally, that hate is a waste of time and energy, to live fully and let go and enjoy the beauty of this life we often take for granted. But most pressingly, this is a great wake-up call to all the *rescuers* out there – you know who you are. No matter how hard you try to save somebody, nothing will change unless they want to make that change. The person worth focusing on is YOU and only YOU because YOU can make the changes you want in your life, no one else. Believe me, I have never hit what felt like rock bottom multiple times as I have in the past few months. And I honestly did NOT think I could re-surface. Slowly, my perspective is changing to a more positive one.  I give and give and give so much until I run on EMPTY. I get emotionally abused because I LET myself get abused. As a child, I didn’t know any better and so I believed for the longest time that giving but not receiving was the REAL DEAL. 

Today, despite a few slip-ups triggered by this emotionally-charged time, I CHOOSE to remain OPEN and still give love. Hell, I send love and compassion to my worst enemies that I don’t even see as enemies! This is the kind of person that I am and I don’t think that will ever change because I don’t want a few sad and angry people to change my perspective on life. Life WILL fuck you over, many many times. Do you let it hit you with  a big rock or do you catch that big rock and ACCEPT life as it is?

Who are your real friends?

I have to say, this entire week has been overwhelming in both good and bad ways. I reconnected and met some amazing people who have a similar vision of the world than I do – you know, those people you can talk with for HOURS.  I had strange confrontational conversations that ended decently, but in my head, ended quite bitterly. I was even surprised by the lack of connectivity with a really good friend of mine. I left the conversation feeling confused about our friendship. Is it dying? Have our lifestyles grown so far apart that we cannot appreciate each other’s company?

I guarantee you she is probably thinking the same thing right now, something like “that didn’t feel right” and she’d be right, it felt…off.  After all, life does happen at random and at times you just can’t take things personally because for all you know, that friend who’s seemingly doing well in life is maybe dealing with issues of his/her own. Who freakin’ knows?

I’d like to present this post as a reality check for myself and perhaps to whoever else is reading this.

My question to you is who are your real friends?

Think carefully. What makes a friend a “real” friend? How many friends do you consider  to be “really close friends” with?

More than 10? Think again. Less than 10, even less than 5, you might be right.

I’d like to think I know who my real good friends are but sometimes I like to take a step back and reflect….

-That friend I was a listening ear to and a crying shoulder for, has he/she been there for me when I was facing a crisis?

-That non-judgemental approach I kept with friends dealing with harships, did I get the same approach back when I was the one knee deep in frustration/confusion?

-That initiation of conversation and hang-outs, am I the only one doing it?

-That awesome favor I did for a friend once, was it ever returned?

I say no matter how busy you are in life, if you give a damn about that said “close friend”, it doesn’t take much to fire a text. “Hey, how have you been?” is plenty enough! It takes 30 seconds or less to do so. Even better, pick up your phone and talk to your friend! You never know. A simple phone call might make someone’s day.

“Life’s in the way” is not a really good excuse when you actually consider that friend a “real friend”.

Alternatively though, you might actually NOT consider this person a real friend, which is absolutely and completely fair. Realistically, you cannot please everyone and have everyone please you back. And, people change – whether we want them to or not. People drift apart for awhile and sometimes reconnect later and that real connectivity is still there and sometimes people drift apart for good. People come and go and that will always be the nature of it.

Speaking of phone calls, a friend of mine called me earlier and yeah, it made my day, it really did. Phone calls are just amazing. I cherish them and favor them over a text any day. A phone call is much more personal and creates a sense of care and connectivity. He wanted to share with me news of his recent employment. I was stocked for him. In return, I told him about my new job and he was stocked for me too. We proceeded to chatter about life, how happiness can only be created within ourselves, and laughed about random shit.  We both observed that we were moving forward in life and that things were looking up.

It was a great little conversation, an actual exchange,  not an “up-the-other” pointless chatter. It was genuine.

That friend was there and has seen me at my worst. He gives me perspective, even when I don’t want to hear it and has been able to forgive instead of stubbornly judge the situation.

I’d say that’s a pretty good damn friend right there.

– Claire Miglionico