He Said to Me Once…Real-life love-inspired exchanges to lift your spirits, get you in a creative mood and feel fearless and free

Disclaimer: Although at the time, these introspective, love-inspired, and sometimes visually intense and hilarious exchanges, felt very real and warm, I’ve learnt to realize that, even what appears to be the deepest connections through intellect, ideas and values do not necessarily blossom into fully-fledged romances. For one, we didn’t live in the same country, for second, we had only met once prior, and for three,  I’m a dreamer and idealist with unrealistic high standards and a gullible marshmallow heart.

Let me tell you what it brought to my life instead:

hope that there are people out there that GET me and know what STIMULATES my brain. That people can still access “deep” and are unafraid of “deep”; that I can connect with another human being on a level beyond the superficial.

insight on the relationship I was in at the time. I was in my rental car in Nanaimo, getting ready to drive to Tofino, where I had rented a tiny house cabin for the week, when my boyfriend of a few weeks texted me. “I love you,” it read. I froze and drove away without responding back. The words hit me like a brick … and I was 1000 km away…

creativity. Engaging conversation and colourful writing bring me to life. I spent one of the best weeks of my life, completely alone on the island, and yet, I felt whole and full of hope for the future, inspiration and creativity. And I mean, come on, the dude’s got some pretty vivid imagination!

urgency. It made me realize how absurd it is to be weighed down by things we don’t enjoy in life. Live your life now, life is so short, don’t waste it.

“Maybe we’ve done this before, fell in love half a century ago when the world was one long driveway & we lived in a spindly tree’d neighbourhood in a small house where you curled into me naked on L-shaped sofas under a thousand throw blankets listening to nothing but the refrigerator & crickets doing calm little prayers outside, kissing each other & moving your hips in tiny little circles as you press your ass against me”

“Mmm…kissing. Kissing’s always good. I laughed at the precision of ‘L-shaped’ sofas. Haha, you’re great.”

“Yes, eating avocados & wearing heavy cottons in the kitchen & making out & saying drunk things to each other, smiling”

“You win at the smiling. I’m smiling right now.”

“I get swept away thinking about other stories we’ve lived, none of it seems long enough, I think maybe people that fall in love deeply enough bury time capsules in each other’s hearts”

“I believe it. Nothing else really makes sense and this does. Crazy how things go…”

“Love is such a wildly possessing thing & it’s odd & beautiful & stirs so deep in us & it’s crushing & intensely felt & deeply spiritual. When you roll deep on every level with someone, it starts to reframe everything you look at. Yes, Crazy”

“It’s actually my biggest life debate right now. I don’t know if I’ve been in love. Every relationship I’ve ever been in never felt mad and passionate….I feel like that’s how it should be but it’s always been practical and easy. I don’t want easy. I want real, intense and crazy…something that makes sense but none whatsoever at the same time. I’ve been with some great men, but somehow, there’s always been something missing…like my mind was elsewhere…keeps me awake at time, thinking there must be something wrong with me. There’s something bigger out there than relationships and ‘settling down’ and routine. Routine is men’s worst enemy. It lulls us to sleep. I crave the unknown. I’m rambling…I just got back from vacation from one of the most beautiful places in Canada and I’m already craving another adventure.”

“You’re not rambling & nothing’s wrong with you. You’re looking for something deeper. Some people call the wild out of us. People with stars & wandering & fire brimming in their eyes. People who realize how little time we have & so we might as well makes a mess of it. 

A man should look at you like you’re lighting brimming in him, like a saliva oasis in the corner of your bedroom at night, tips of your eyelashes, tongues, wishing there were stars on your ceiling and your eyes are little curly seahorses lit up & swimming at me. I mean, you could go to dinner somewhere & sit & smile across the table at someone & make clever conversation & probably manage to have a really good time. But there’s so much more to be discovered & felt in someone else than a gorgeous smile & clever words. You could sit at the same table with me and feel neon layers of music pour over you & stare at me like we’re dancing and chewing on glow sticks at the bottom of your soul together and our hands and eyes are having affairs and our toothbrushes are at home undressing each other on porcelain squares and you can feel my atoms coming at you across the room”

“It’s true. There’s little time. We don’t have forever. Being aware of that is freeing…like there is no other way than live your life YOUR way. People  are so caught up in societal norms, what is wrong from what is right.

Island bound: my foggy plane ride to Nanaimo

January 25


We almost weren’t able to land in Nanaimo yesterday and being in a small plane over seeing a sea of thick fog got my heart beating pretty fast. My fear of flying isn’t as intense as it used to be but I’m still not OK with the idea of being in a small plane, circling over thick fog (mind you, the view from up there was absolutely breath-taking!) and being told that we may possibly have to return to Vancouver. My co-worker was with me on the journey YYC-YVR and then YVR-YCD which made the journey pleasant and the chit-chat over life and boys enjoyable (over eggs bennie, I should add!).

She was sitting 4 rows back on the 20-minute plane ride to the island so I couldn’t see her expression when our first descent attempt failed and we sore back up above the thick ice cream sunday-like white fog. I know I was laughing quite a lot, something I awkwardly do when I’m actually pissing my pants. I kept on thinking, what a nightmare it must be for people who commute every day to Vancouver from Nanaimo or vice versa! There’s probably always a 50/50 chance of the plane NOT landing because of low ceiling of fog or rain or a combination of the two! Then you’d have to catch the ferry, and the ferry ride, though I’m sure beautiful, is a 2 to 3 hour trip if I remember clearly…I could feel the tension in the plane, people looking out the window for any sign of land.

On our second attempt, the runway became visible at the last minute, and here we were, on the Nanaimo airport runway. People clapped, we were alive and well….

I still had 3 hours to go as I decided to rent a car and make my way to Tofino….

First thing I noticed when we got off the plane was how piney fresh the air smelled and how quiet the surroundings were. The sound of silence has got to be one of my favourite things….It felt like vacation time had properly begun.

I had never rented a car before this trip and it took me a good half hour to get going (sad but true). I have never driven a car other than my Yaris and the Honda Civic I did my driver’s ed on. The Ford I was given was small enough for me to drive (thankfully) but super high-tech in comparison to Yaris; volume button at the wheel, automatic lock/unlock button, a button that rose my seat up and down…whoa! All this automatic crap was new to me but I got the hang of it surprisingly quickly.

The drive…wow, the drive. Super beautiful and super windy, I loved it. Kind of reminded me of driving in France.

Couple spots on the way I want to check out on my way back:
1. Cathedral Grove (I’ve done it twice before as a teen but feel like I need to do it again)
2. Qualicum Beach falls

The cabin I rented has to be the closest thing to a dream come true. Wooden-slanted ceilings, cozy reading area, little heater, tiny kitchen with all the essentials in it, comfy bed, ceiling windows…this cabin has it all.

The yoga studio is a 7 minute walk away. It’s housed in a treehouse-like building, another dream come true! Seriously though, it’s the cutest and the classes are super small and it’s right next to the taco joint respectively called Tacofino and this cute little grocery store called Beaches where I’ve developed an obsession with their Monster cookies (SO GOOD).

The beaches…all within proximity, the sunset, the beach walks, the surfer spotting, the super inspiring houses that surround the beach. Life surely could not get any better than life on the beach here in Tofino.

I’m so grateful that I live in a country as beautifully diverse as Canada. Vancouver Island wins for its rainforest-like feel (feels like Hawaii), the laid-back ‘tude, the beautiful beaches, the surfing, the seaside hikes… I don’t even feel like I’m in Canada! What a contrast from Alberta!

Until later…